in loving memory

i think i've written before that i struggle with how much of my personal life to share here on this blog. i generally want this to be a happy space about my creative life, like diy projects, baking and scrapbooking. but i also want to be authentic so in the spirit of that and of memory keeping, i'm going to take a little detour today.

grandpa's 87th birthday, marth 2014

my grandpa passed away this past tuesday, 1 year 1 month and 6 days after we lost my grandmother. he was a hard man to know, a fact that became even more clear to me at my grandmother's memorial when i met a girl just bit younger than myself who considered my grandparents hers. i'd never met her before, never even heard her name mentioned. it hurt my feelings at the time but people are complicated. families even more so. and my family sometimes impossible to decipher. but now that both my grandparents are gone i don't want to dwell on all of the things that were wrong in our relationship, or all of the things we didn't know about each other. i want to think about all of the things that were wonderful and true and that i will remember forever.

what i will remember was his quiet manner, carefully watching and observing at family dinners and holidays. breaking his silence every once in a while to recount a funny story or poke fun at the previous story's teller. then we would all laugh and delight in his wit. and i'll especially remember his deep, gravelly voice, earned from years of smoking. i'll remember the camera, perpetually around his neck, snapping quiet, candid frames. i believe it inspired both my father's and my love for photography. i'll remember his member's only jackets in a rainbow of colors, one to match all of his shirts. and i'll remember that he loved them so much he was still wearing them up until last year. i'll remember his love of sugar. he told my sister just recently that god made sugar and he wants us to eat it. so i come by my sugar addiction honestly. i'll remember that to honor my grandpa's sugar addiction we made him his favorite snickerdoodles and gingersnaps every christmas since i was a little girl and i'll keep making them every year in remembrance. and i'll remember that in the last few years he fell in love with hersey's chocolate drops. once i asked him if they weren't just the same as m&m's and with bright eyes and a giant smile, he told me they were much better because they were bigger. i'll remember that he called me darling and he loved me.

and i'll always remember how much he loved my grandmother. i'm happy that they are together again.

xo,
carly